Second Chances

"It’s never too late to become what you might have been." — George Eliot

When Joe’s manager began the conversation by saying: “I want you to know how grateful we are for your twenty years of valuable service to our company,” Joe expected to hear that he was being promoted, or at least receiving a pay increase. After all, his performance reviews had never been less than stellar.

it came as a shock when what he heard next was: “our company is moving in a new direction and unfortunately your skills aren’t the skills we need. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.”

It was a defining moment when Joe realized that doing a good job no longer guarantees that you'll keep your job.

Mary and her husband were finalizing the details of the cruise they planned for years to celebrate their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. She was really looking forward to spending more time together now that their youngest child had left for college.

She thought her husband felt the same way until the week before they were scheduled to leave on a cruise and he told her that he was leaving her. He was no longer in love with her and wanted a divorce.

It was a defining moment when Mary discovered that living happily ever after sometimes doesn’t last forever.

Pat was feeling guilty asking the question: “is that all there is?” In the eyes of the world, Pat had everything anyone could possibly want. The only thing that was missing was inner peace.

Paralyzed by the fear of giving up stability for uncertainty, concerned about what people would think and wanting to avoid the disruption of change, Pat felt stuck and miserable in a life that was no longer fulfilling, and on a path leading to a future that was no longer desired. An internal change had triggered the need for an external change.

It was a defining moment when Pat realized that it doesn’t matter how perfect your life looks to others, if it doesn’t make you happy it’s not the life for you.

Defining Moments Can Become Redefining Moments

Whether you experience a change in your job, relationship or level of satisfaction with your life, each defining moment carries with it the opportunity to redefine your future. Change has taken away an imagined future, without providing a clearly defined future to take its place. In the blink of an eye the secure future you thought was yours can evaporate, leaving you feeling lost and confused. That’s why we often react to change with denial and attempt to hang on to a future that continues to exist only in our mind.

For a while, you live in an uncomfortable in-between world that is filled with possibilities you may not be able to fully comprehend. Fear can cloud your vision and prevent you from seizing the moment to create a life that could be better than the one change has disrupted.

“ When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

The choices you see and the decisions you make in those moments of uncertainty redefine the future course and direction of your life.

Change Creates Second Chances

It’s very likely that you will experience moments in life when change creates an opportunity for you to take a different path. You can explore new worlds you never imagined possible and you can resurrect dreams that were once eliminated by choices you made years ago.

Change creates a second chance to become what you might have been, if you had made different choices.

For Joe, Mary and Pat, change created a 3-pronged fork in the road where they could choose to:

1.    Replicate the same path and seek replacements for the employers, spouses and contentment change took away.

2.    Forge an entirely new path, rooted in the wisdom one gains from making poor choices and learning to make better choices suited to who they are and what they need today.

3.    Rekindle dreams from the past that places them on a path to becoming what they might have been, if they had made their own choices instead of making choices based on what someone else thought was best for them.

It may be difficult to view change as a beginning rather than an ending, but the reality is that change is neutral. It can create a rainbow of possibilities, a bright sunny future, or a world that is so dark you go in circles because an exit sign isn’t visible.

The color you choose to paint change is up to you, because the paintbrush is in your hands.

Disruptive, Uncomfortable and Inevitable

Change can be disruptive and uncomfortable, but it is inevitable.

Take a moment to think about what your life would be like if you avoided change based on fear of venturing out of your comfort zone.

You would still be crawling around on all fours and wearing diapers. Not a pretty picture.

You would remain uneducated since you wouldn't have wanted to change from one grade to the next every year.

You would still be living at home with your parents because you wouldn't have wanted to make changes required to become independent.

How many relationships would you never have experienced if you hadn't made changes that put you in a place to meet those people?

What career opportunities have come your way because you were willing to change direction, and how many have you missed out on because you weren't?

Since change is inevitable, why not turn it into a redefining moment that gives you a second chance  to make the choices you wish you had made and become the person you always knew you were meant to be.

If a second chance sounds good to you, it’s probably time you took it.

Speaking from first-hand experience, the uncertainty and disruption you may experience will be well worth the inner peace and pride you feel when you know you’ve chosen the path that is the best for you.

It would be a shame if you passed up your second chance to become what you might have been, because in the words of Rabbi Hillel:

“If not now - when?”

Sharing Your Second Chances

Do you have a story to tell about how you redefined change to create a second chance to create the life you desire? Your story can be an inspiration to others. Please share it with me at rita@changeguru.com so I can share it with others in my next book.

Rita Burgett-Martell; Organizational Change Consultant, Keynote Speaker, Personal Coach - Author of Change Ready! and Defining Moments. Strategic Transformations Consulting Inc; www.yourchangeguru.com - (415) 806-9484 – www.amazon.com/author/ritaburgettmartell