Changing the Way, You Think About You: How to Rethink Your Way to a Happier Life

Here’s a quiz to help you identify behaviors that may be undermining your self-confidence and preventing you from living the life you desire. Respond with a simple “yes” or “no” answer to each statement and then tally up the number of yeses.  

1.       I often compare myself to others.

2.       I make decisions based on what others tell me I should do.

3.       I would have to honestly say I sometimes take my family for granted.

4.       I find myself thinking more about the past or worrying more about the future           instead of focusing on what’s happening in the present moment.

5.       I often give up on my goals when things aren’t going my way.

6.       I believe that if I do something less than perfectly, I’ve failed.

7.       I play it safe. Taking risks is not for me.

8.       I sometimes believe I will never fall in love, and if I do it won’t last.

9.       I used to dream about the life I wanted, but not anymore. Dreams are a waste         of time.

10.   I’m always rushing to get things done and seldom have time to “smell the roses.”

Did you respond with “yes – that describes me” – to more than 2 or 3?   It’s ok if you did because there’s no pass or fail.  The purpose of the quiz is to increase your awareness of thoughts and behaviors you can change that will make a positive difference in how you see yourself and react to those around you. 

The quiz is based on one of my favorite poems by Nancye Sims called “A Creed to Live By.” I’m including it below, followed by a modified version that exams each statement and thoughts triggered for me that changed my thinking and put me on the path to experience a more fulfilling life.  I hope they will help you as well.

A CREED TO LIVE BY

Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each one of us is special.

Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.  

Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time you live all the days of your life.

Don’t give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. 

Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.  

Don’t be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.
The best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don’t dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don’t run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you’ve been, but also where you’re going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
- Nancye Sims

RETHINKING YOUR THINKING

Thoughts become behaviors that become habits. After a while, we just react to people and situations in the same defeatist way that keeps us stuck in a negative mindset. The glass is always half empty so why bother.

Stop it right now!

You can rethink your way to a happier life.  I’m including my thoughts in italics below and know that you will have some of your own ahas!  to add to the list, so you can begin turning your yeses to the statements in the quiz to “no’s.”

1.   Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we   are different that each one of us is special.

How often do we end up feeling inferior when we compare ourselves to others?  The reality is that each one of us is different – not better than or worse than -- only different.

2. Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
How many of us chose careers based on what parents, teachers, and/or friends told us we should do instead of doing what we really wanted to do?  If this is true for you, realize that you are an adult now and don’t need permission from anyone to make choices about your future.

3.       Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.  
We often feel like we are being taken for granted and under-appreciated.  Are we making others feel the same way? Think about that because everything can change in the blink of an eye.

4. Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time you live all the days of your life.
Do you live with regret over what happened or fear of what may happen? What happened in the past only lives on in your mind. It happened. You survived.  It’s not happening now unless you mentally recreate it. Why would you do that? The same with living for the future and thinking “someday I will do that” instead of doing it now because “someday” may never come.

5. Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. 
Old age isn’t so old anymore.  People who stay healthy can continue to be active well into their 90’s. Retirement today can mean doing less of what we use to do and more of what we want to do.

6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Perfection is based in fear.  We somehow developed the belief that if we are less than perfect no one will love us. People who love us know our imperfections and love us anyway, and that’s a good thing since none of us are perfect.

7. Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

 It isn’t possible to avoid risk even If you try to live your life without making any changes.  Not taking a risk means you are taking the risk of never knowing what you could have experienced if you hadn’t let fear stop you. We all fear the unknown. Faith in your abilities + courage to take that first step, overcomes fear. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

8. Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly. The best way to keep love is to give it wings.

I think we make quick judgments about people we meet when we are convinced, we won’t find the “right” one. If the right one stood before us, we wouldn’t be able to see that this one could be the best one.  Or, we are so afraid someone will leave us we try to control them instead of accepting the love they offer and loving them in return.

9. Don’t dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope. To be without hope is to be without purpose.

When you feel hopeless you also feel powerless and you stop trying. You believe there is nothing you can do to solve a problem, change an outcome, or improve your life. Ask yourself “what is the one thing I can do now to feel better?”  Only one. Muster all your energy and do that one thing. Acting moves you forward. Inaction keeps you stuck where you don’t want to be.

10. Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been but also where you’re going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Some days we go on autopilot, racing against time to accomplish all the things we believe we must do. Take a pause – just a pause - give yourself a pat on the back for how far you’ve come and what you’ve overcome. Look around you, find something beautiful, and feel gratitude for your life today.  

I would wager a bet that one of the ten statements above really hit home. That tells you this is the one you need to rethink. Small changes can produce bit results. Starting with one gets you started moving in a more positive direction that will lead to other improvements.

Becoming aware of how your thinking shapes your world gives you a powerful tool to use in any situation where you’re doubting yourself or feeling stuck in a place you don’t want to be. Rethinking your thinking is an ongoing process that will pay ongoing rewards. Start today!

© Rita Burgett-Martell; Organizational Change Consultant, Keynote Speaker, Executive Career & Life Coach - Strategic Transformations Consulting Inc; (415) 806-9484 - Author of 'Change Ready!' and 'Defining Moments'
 www.amazon.com/author/ritaburgettmartell